


(Close) Enough to Lose

by keroseneSteve



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Guardian Angel AU, Howard Stark's A+ Parenting, Hurt/Comfort, Loki Feels, Thor Feels, Tony Feels
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-12-31
Updated: 2014-01-23
Packaged: 2018-01-05 20:14:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,441
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1098147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/keroseneSteve/pseuds/keroseneSteve
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU in which Asgardians guide a mortal successfully through its short life before adopting official colors and coming of age.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah, I'm as lost as you are. Sort of tiptoeing around this fun little idea, worldbuilding as I go... feel free to toss out any ideas. Almost nothing about this is solid or well thought-out, so! Each chapter will be as much a surprise for me as it will be for you. 
> 
> Actually, input is great. Like, you should give me some feedback. Pretty please?

The little creature cooed and squirmed, staring up at him with vacant eyes. Loki scowled when the baby's attention drifted from his face to the mobile hanging from the blue-painted ceiling. Surely there were more interesting things to look at than wood carvings and string? He glanced around and changed his mind. No, the baby's room was bland and bare, devoid of everything impractical barring the mobile dangling over the crib. This didn't bode well for a cheerful childhood. Loki wondered if the parents really wanted a child. 

His charge was an ugly thing, all pink wrinkles and scrunched fists and muddy brown eyes -- a tiny little human, smaller than most of his kind at this age. A runt, bald and helpless. The babe could hardly be more pathetic if he tried. 

The tiny thing smacked his lips loudly, and Loki sighed. 

"You and I are going to become very well acquainted over the years," he said softly. Without thinking he leaned in and stroked a chubby cheek; to his surprise, the child latched onto his unnaturally cool fingers with a small fist and worked his toothless mouth cheerfully. There was a brief staring match, which Loki allowed himself to lose. Gracefully, of course, but a child wouldn't be able to tell. He blinked slowly, and the baby copied him.

"Give me my hand back," he muttered. He twitched his captured fingers."I need it." 

The babe waved his free hand. A solid denial. Stubborn thing. 

"I will bite your toes," Loki threatened entirely insincerely. "Release me at once." 

The baby's head twitched left -- a resounding no. Perhaps he wasn't as dull as Loki initially thought him to be. The Asgardian certainly had his full attention now. Didn't human babies ever need to blink? 

Loki's hand was dragged higher up the baby's face, smearing through the drool at the corner of his mouth. 

"Gross," he complained. He was ignored. 

Maybe the little beast wasn't entirely bald, he conceded to himself. There appeared, if he looked closely, to be four dark hairs on the crown of his skull. 

He curled his trapped fingers, surprising the little one into releasing him. Loki took an immediate step back as his face began to turn an alarming shade of red. What a curious creature, he thought. 

"I will visit again soon," he promised, and whirled away a split second after the wailing began. 

In the fraction of a second between leaving and arriving, Loki considered his choice. The boy had potential, for sure, and his quick (extremely illegal) peek into the future told him of a terrible greatness and power. He entertained the idea of warping the child into a villain. He rejected the idea immediately and with extreme prejudice. Perhaps a trickster, then. Loki could teach him all the best pranks. He caught himself almost smiling at the thought. 

It was with this slight curve of lips that he appeared in the center of a golden room. The ceiling was nigh thirty feet high, decorative pillars curving up into vague darkness. Torches lit along the walls were reflected across every golden shining surface. To his extreme disappointment, none of the guards jumped this time. He made a face at one and received an aggressively neutral stare in return.

Killjoys.

"Loki," someone boomed. Loki bent into a bow automatically in the throne's direction from his place at the bottom step. The cold floor hurt his knee.

"Allfather," he said. To his own quiet surprise, he sounded entirely sincere. 

"You are smiling," Odin Allfather noted. To the king's left stood a withered old man with parchment in his hands. The record keeper, then. Odin's grip on the great spear in his ancient hands tightened. "I take it the greeting went well." 

"It did," Loki agreed, no longer smiling. He dared to stand, and no one stopped him. 

Odin merely raised one white eyebrow. "And?" 

"He is tiny and weak," Loki said calmly. 

"All babies are." 

"Hn." Loki looked down at his left hand, wiggling the fingers the child had grasped. They still tingled a little. "I accept him as my charge." 

"You're sure." 

"I am." 

"Then it shall be so." Odin leaned back in his throne. "State his name for the keeper of records." 

Loki was already turning to leave. "Anthony Stark," he said carelessly, straightening the folds of his cloak and walking away. 

"Loki," Odin rumbled, and he paused. There was a short silence. "I am proud of you, my son." 

Something relaxed inside of him. "I am sure," he replied shortly. "I shall take my leave."

"One more thing." Loki huffed a sigh.

"Yes, father?"

Something understanding shone in Odin's blue eye. "Will you take off the cloak?"

Loki's fingers twitched towards the black material he'd been wearing for ten months. It felt strange to even think about taking it off, to show the world his charge's soul. He never looked himself, avoiding mirrors and keeping the fine layer of magic over his back hidden with leather and thick fabric. "After Thor has mauled me, perhaps." 

"Fine." Odin didn't bother arguing. 

Another silence. 

"Good day, Allfather."

"Good day, my son."


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I lied. Have some of Thor's history.
> 
> Also, fluctuating chapter length is definitely going to be a thing.

As Loki left the throne room, he considered his plan of action. Thor had been both excited and quietly depressed in turns for the months leading up to the birth of Loki's Stark child. How would the Thunderer react now? Surely by that point everyone had heard the reason for Loki's immediate departure from Asgard -- the only reason he wasn't currently busy fending off curious questions and demands was that he'd returned in secret. 

Thor had been so _happy_ when his charge had been born. 

 

_  
"Brother!" Thor boomed. Loki's head shot up in alarm, bookshelves actually shaking at the corners of his vision._

_"Quiet, oaf," he hissed, slipping a piece of leather between the pages of the tome in his hands. "This is a library."_

_"I know, but L--" He was still far too loud, all big smiles and expansive gestures and short, fuzzy hair._

_The book snapped shut. "Thor."_

_"Of course, brother," Thor muttered, face falling. "I'll just," he perked up, "wait outside?"_

_"You do that." Loki sighed, waving a hand at the stacks around him. Magic wasn't allowed in the libraries, but the keepers never minded if he put the books he'd borrowed back correctly. With his half-finished volume tucked under his arm, he snatched up his grey cloak and followed the boisterous laughter._

_"Loki!" Thor swept him off his feet out of the entrance, kicking the doors shut with a foot. Loki's face was squashed to Thor's armor as they spun, unable to do much more than protest loudly at his idiot brother's chest until he was released. The blond dropped him, grinning wide. Loki's eyes narrowed to slits._

_"I thought I told you," he said dangerously, "to never do that again."_

_Thor's hands went up in defense. "But it's a special occasion, brother." Somehow, impossibly, he smiled wider. "My charge has been conceived."_

_Loki's eyebrows flew up. "Has it?" he asked, genuinely surprised. "And you know this for a fact?"_

_"I do," Thor proclaimed, and whirled around to show off his shoulder blades._

_A faint blue sky shimmered millimeters above Thor's skin, the vague outline of clouds almost invisible. The blue darkened to the red of a sunset close to his elbows. The image was far from complete, a mere oval of newly developing magic. But it was unmistakably the bonding wings, in their first stages of growth._

_Loki smiled. "Congratulations," he said sincerely. Then, the smile twisting into a smirk, "how did you manage to spot it? Look at yourself in the mirror often, brother? In fact," he added, "I'd say you'd need several mirrors to clearly see the wings yourself."_

_Thor smirked back. "It was not I who first discovered it," he said suggestively. Loki groaned. Around them, the Warriors Three and Lady Sif snickered._

_"Yes, alright," Loki mock-sighed, "you win that one._

_Over the next nine months, Thor's wings darkened and expanded, forming a beautiful picture that brushed the floor when he walked. He refused to wear the customary grey cloak. He was immensely proud of them, thrilled and anxious to meet his charge in equal measure._

_"Your charge has heart," Loki commented, reclined on Thor's pillows as he watched his brother stomp about his quarters, practically wringing his hands. The reflection of his charge's soul was nearly complete: at the shoulders, the magic began to darken to a deep blue, curving to a halt at Thor's ears and tinting gradually lighter as the curve of enchanted feathers followed its own path back towards the base. The outside edges took on a gold tint as the feathers reached to his elbows, the ones in between brightening to the indescribable shade of the clearest sky. Silver clouds, once translucent shapes, now appeared to be almost alive and inching down the wings. The beautiful azure of the down glowed halfway down his thigh. From that point day turned into night, flight feathers blue on one end and orange on the other. Dissipating clouds reflected the changing sky around them, delicate purples and vivid pinks. The tips that brushed the ground were so deeply midnight they almost appeared black. Silver pinpricks represented stars on the wingtips._

_"I wish to make the best impression," Thor fretted. "His soul is awestriking, brother. Do Midgardian babes care much about armor?"_

_"They care about the wings," Loki said. "Flex?"_

_Thor obliged, snapping his wings out and open. Loki whistled._

_"Nearly four meters," he observed. "Your charge is impressive. Bet it's got a terrible start. Nobody that great has it easy."_

_Thor sighed, pulling his wings back in to fold behind his back. "I've never been talented in the arts," he said miserably. "How am I to help the child with so little magic?"_

_Loki crossed his legs, considering what he'd read on bonding. "If you don't have much," he said, "you don't need much. Or you do, and you need to be creative about your use."_

_Thor groaned loudly. He collapsed into a sitting position and put his head in his hands. "I'm going to fail."_

_"You will not," Loki snapped, sitting upright. "Don't talk like that. Where's your confidence, brother? You've been swaggering about for nearly a year."_

_"I have to care for a child," his brother wailed. "Me! Thor Odinson, responsible? Capable? Of raising a human? I'll break the poor thing's arm trying to say hello!"_

_"Do you want to break the child's arm?" Loki asked. Thor looked up, aghast._

_"Of course not!" he exclaimed. Loki nodded in satisfaction._

_"Then you won't," he said simply._

_Thor jumped to his feet and sprinted for the door in the middle of supper four days later. Ten minutes after that, Odin announced that his son had activated the Bifrost and would be meeting his charge momentarily. The whole room burst into celebration. Loki and Frigga celebrated quietly on their own, in the way of secret smiles passed between them._

_Thor returned two hours later, barging into Loki's room with a breathless grin._

_"His name," he said, "is Steven Rogers."_

_Loki raised an eyebrow, putting a finger to the page he'd been reading. "Congratulations," he said dryly. "I expect you didn't break the law by telling someone before you informed the Allfather?"_

_"Oh, damn --"_

_"He's a sickly little thing," Thor said mournfully. He kicked his feet over the ledge and sighed at the sky. "Much too small and weak to be healthy. I've already used much of my magic to keep him breathing through the winters. I don't have enough for the rest of his life."_

_"It's been eight years," Loki soothed from his right. "He'll grow stronger soon."_

_"I fear he won't," Thor said darkly. Loki made a curious noise. "He has no father. His mother spends her life in Midgarian healing halls, and doesn't even realize she's carrying disease home for Steven to catch. They don't have enough money. If I could I'd just hand her the riches of Asgard. Hel, Loki, if I could give them one of my cloaks for a blanket! My hairbrush would keep them well fed for a year! Why is it forbidden?"_

_"Thor," Loki tried._

_"They both need caretakers," Thor growled. "I can only offer verbal support. Steven's mother will soon die, and then he will have no one."_

_"She what?"_

_"Of disease," Thor explained. "They call it consumption. I can keep her moving, same as her son, but when the disease eats at her I can do nothing." His voice broke. "She will die, and then he will die, and I will carry this regret for the rest of my life."_

_"You cannot save the mother," Loki said gently. He rested a hand on the blond's shoulder. "But you can save the son."_

_To his dismay, Thor's eyes were wet with tears. "How?" he asked, just above a whisper. "I don't have enough magic to heal his body completely. I never did."_

_Loki thought carefully. "How much do you have, exactly?"_

_Thor held up a hand. Small strings of glowing magic rose out of his palm, curling above it into a ball of light. It was nearly the size of his skull. Loki kept a straight face; it really wasn't a lot of magic. These eight years must have been taxing._

_"It is the size of a core," he mused, running his fingers over the staticky surface. "Maybe a little larger."_

_Ah._

_"Create a caretaker."_

_"W-what?" Thor startled, closing his fist. The magic disappeared._

_"Create a caretaker for your Steven," Loki urged. He got to his feet, reaching into a pocket to pull out his stylus. "Come here."_

_Thor got to his feet, watching as Loki sketched out an endless equation into the air. "Create a human?" he asked. He studied the equation and gasped. "You can do this, Loki?"_

_Loki waved a hand. "You will. I will help." He frowned at the equation, made a few corrections. "You have just enough magic to create a construct, not enough to mess up. You'll have to craft it a face, and a drive, and --"_

_"Make it a human," Thor whispered. "I can make a person to help Steven."_

_"You can," Loki agreed. "At first, it will only do as you say, but after a few months it will develop its own soul. If you ingrain a desire to help Steven into its core, that's what it will do."_

_"This sounds highly..." Thor trailed off. "Creating a soul? Giving life to a being that doesn't exist?"_

_"It will exist," Loki corrected, "when you make it so." He sat cross-legged on the ground. "Are you ready?"_

_Thor dropped facing him. "Now?" he asked, still reeling with the implications._

_"Now," Loki started. "What does your Steven want most in the world?"_

_"To enlist in their army," Thor said immediately._

_"Then so will this one."_

_It took eleven hours and significant assistance from Loki, and by the time they were done Thor had barely three strings of magic. He swayed on his feet, so Loki transported the construct for him._

_They watched from above as the boy played with others, as he gained shape and gender and found itself a place to stay. The construct, well on its way to human, kept one eye on Thor's charge all the while. They made small talk twice, before one day, six months later, the young boy introduced himself as Bucky Barnes._

_Thor was a busy man, fighting wars and hunting with friends and keeping up with his duties as prince. He tried his best, Loki knew, but he spent less time than he should with his charge. Steven Rogers, Loki discovered, was a scrappy little thing. Twenty-two years old, mature for a human, and still not yet at Thor's shoulder. Not ever, Loki guessed, all things considered. And the stupid boy caused fights._

_The construct, long grown from its initial start as a core of magic, stuck with Steven through everything. They moved in together, cared for each other, fed each other, supported each other even when ready to tear the other's head off. It was a beautiful friendship, Loki would say, were he known to speak in such a ridiculous manner. What he did say, however, was that Bucky Barnes was one of the best ideas he'd ever had._

_Barnes frequently stepped in, saving Steven from an untimely death in a back alley, beaten by a crowd of larger men. Bullies, Steven called them with contempt. Humans, thought Loki. Short-lived and foul-tempered, humans were typically the type to lord their strength over the very few lesser than they. Clearly it did not even matter if the lesser was their kin._

_He sighed, wondering, for all the beauty of the small man's soul, if he was meant to walk the earth much longer._

_"I must do something."_

_"You can do nothing."_

_"I must do something!"_

_"You can't."_

_"Why not!" Thor bellowed. Loki's heart ached for him._

_"He's been rejected several times," he said, gently as he could. "It's against their laws to keep trying. He is not fit to be --"_

_"Then why am I here?" And the volume was gone, the righteous anger, the burning. Thor deflated, slouching against the wall of Loki's room._

_"You are here," Loki said, "to take your charge as far as he can go. To help him reach his full potential."_

_"He has heart," Thor sighed, sliding to the floor. "As you said years ago. He cannot be destined to die of a chill, poor and seen by no one. The construct, even, has grown healthy and strong, has joined their army as they both dreamed. He's leaving our Steven behind." He slid to the floor, back to the wall. "It hurts them both."_

_"There is nothing you can do," Loki said tersely. "You have but three strings of magic left." A thought struck him. "And he's full matured, is he not?"_

_"As far as it seems," Thor said miserably. "If he had the resources, there is no doubt in my mind he would grow much more. But Midgard is run by money and greedy people."_

_"Thor," Loki said sharply, "you cannot give him money, but you can take him to people who do."_

_He could practically see the spark as the idea formed._

_"I have but one string left," his brother announced, bursting into the room. Loki snapped his book shut with a loud sigh. "It took one string to tie my Steven to the richest man in the land. He is an inventor, and he worked with one of their scientists to create a..." Thor paused, searching for the right word, "sort of potion. A serum, they call it."_

_"And the second?" Loki inquired._

_"Young Steven took the serum," said Thor seriously, "and it caused him great pain. Too much, for his small body."_

_Thor was never the type to enjoy a creature's suffering. Loki couldn't judge him, for he didn't know the human's limits as Thor did. "Are you sure that was the right decision?" he asked instead._

_"It was." He brightened. "For now Steven is a strong man! Nearly as tall as I, and almost as large. We had an arm wrestling match and he won!"_

_Loki's eyebrows shot up. That was impressive._

_"Steven intends to go to war and be with his friend," Thor continued. "He is happier than I've seen him for a long while. The scientist died," he added as an afterthought. "But the inventor, Stark, moves on to build powerful weapons for Steven's army." He smiled. "I tied them well."_

_"Brother!"_

_"What, Thor!"_

_"Young Steven is finally free of his tour duties!"_

_"Thank goodness. The show was insulting. Is he still known as 'Captain America'?"_

_"That, I'm afraid, will never change."_

_"Hm."_

_"It's a... proud title, for a man from the land of America."_

_"Oh, yes. Very noble and patriotic. As was is show costume."_

_"Aye. That won't change, either."_

_"Poor man."_

_It was a stupid decision to send Thor to battle. He had a human to protect. That alone keeps most at home, where they can keep watch on their charge and ensure their safety. But Odin commanded it._

_Odin commanded it, and Thor was now in a healer's room with a wound gone septic. He hadn't been able to see Steven in three years. Three years without a god's protection, in the middle of a war zone. Loki was furious._

_With Thor's injury, the construct had ceased to be. Magic worked its ways, for a human to seemingly disappear into thin air would be noticed. Instead, the one named Bucky Barnes was manipulated onto a train, before falling to his apparent death. It was naught but bad luck that Steven was there to watch._

_His devastation hurt Loki himself, an unimaginable distance away._

_"You will allow me to see Thor!" he shouted, stomping his foot like a child. But he couldn't help it; Thor's unwilling departure had caused great damage in the human's life, as Odin had known it would. The Allfather didn't seem to care._

_"He requires rest," Odin boomed. "You will not disturb him."_

_"I will disturb him if I so please," Loki spat. "He needs to know what has happened to his human, before the damage is irreparable."_

_"We need a prince more than Midgard needs another human."_

_Loki snarled in frustration and left._

_"Thor," he whispered. "Thor. Get up, you lump."_

_A garbled whine._

_"Up!"_

_"What?" Thor muttered, waving his bandaged arm vaguely in Loki's direction. Loki shoved him. "What!"_

_"Your human," Loki hissed into the darkness. In an instant, Thor was awake._

_"Steven! Is he well?"_

_"He is not," Loki said urgently. "You must help him before he does something exceptionally rash. He has lost Bucky to war."_

_Thor paled. "Bring me my cloak," he demanded, and for once, Loki complied. "I will return shortly."_

_He returned the next day. Loki hadn't watched what happened, out of rare respect for privacy between the two. He didn't need to, though. Thor's face said it all._

_"He is gone, Loki," he said hoarsely, collapsing where he stood. Loki watched as he curled into a ball and shook._

_"I'm sorry," he murmured, at a loss for what to do._

_"I came to him in a ship," his brother rasped. "There were weapons of mass destruction with him. He said if he didn't get rid of them, then the world would be destroyed. His enemy had a cosmic cube."_

_Loki sucked in a sharp breath._

_"Enemy and cube vanished, beyond the Nine Realms. He left my Steven to a failing ship riddled with holes." A sob. "I could do nothing._

_"Steven said he had to crash the ship. He took control and sank it into the ocean. He gave himself no escape. The last thing," Thor swallowed, face hidden behind his arms and knees, "the last thing he did was thank me. He thanked me, brother, when my absence is what led him to this. He asked me to leave, for my own safety, and thanked me."_

_Loki hadn't seen Thor cry in many years. It was a terrible thing, noisy sobs and shaking shoulders and thunder crashing in the distance. He felt utterly helpless in the face of it, hollowed out and small._

_"I can't find him," he said after a long while. "He is in the ocean somewhere. I need to find him and keep him safe."_

_"Thor," Loki answered, quiet as he could be, "he is gone."_

_"He isn't," Thor whispered. "He isn't."_

_"He is." Loki kneeled before him and took his hands. "Thor, brother, you need to understand. If the story you tell is true, then there is no possible way he survived."_

_"He did," Thor said desperately. "It is my own failure that brought him to this and I will bring him back!" He looked up, tear streaked face and puffy eyes and lines of grief etched into his face. His wings shuffled behind him. "It was a mistake to obey him, when I could have gotten him out. I could have saved us both --"_

_"Even gods cannot breathe underwater," Loki reminded him. "You cannot spend your days searching for a body."_

_"I can," Thor argued. "I can!"_

_"Father will not allow it."_

_"Father," Thor spat, "can --"_

_"Don't," Loki interrupted him, shocked by the sudden venom. "Thor, you need to calm down. Take a deep breath and calm down."_

_Wordlessly, Thor obeyed._

_"I must do something," he said, after an hour of silence._

_"You can do nothing."_

_"We will not have this argument again, Loki!" Thor wiped his face with his sleeve. "Either help me, or I will find a way alone."_

_Oh, Hel. "Send someone else to do it," he threw out. "You have duties, and are no longer obligated to a human."_

_That was the wrong thing to say. Thor scowled. "My duties brought us to this point. It is my responsibility --" He froze. "Someone else?"_

_Loki shrugged._

_"I can send the inventor," Thor realized. "He can create something to search for Steven."_

_"You don't have enough magic to appear before him," Loki protested. Thor got to his feet, pulling Loki up since their hands were still clasped together._

_"I have enough to plant the idea into his head," said Thor, a spark of hope in his eyes. "I can make it his purpose. He can do what it takes to bring Steven back."_

_"It is your last string of bond magic," Loki said needlessly. Clearly Thor's mind was made up._

_"It was your suggestion," his brother pointed out. He smiled, just a little. "I shall leave immediately."_

_Loki sighed. "Do what you must." He allowed the crushing hug that lifted him off his feet, grumbling half-heartedly._

_"Thank you," said Thor, and he was gone._

__

 

Thirty years later, Loki froze midstep as a dreadful thought struck him. He turned on his heel, connecting dots in his head, and marched to Thor's room. 

"Thor!" he shouted, shoving the doors open. The blond looked up from his discussion with the Warriors Three, grinning. 

"Loki!" he said brightly. His smile faded as he saw the expression on Loki's face. 

"Thor," said Loki, darting over to him and grabbing his shoulders. "Thor. What is the inventor's name? Who is searching for Steven?"

He looked uneasy now. "Stark." 

"Stark what?" Loki barked, shaking him a little. "What is his given name!" 

"Howard," Thor offered, uneasy now. "Brother, what is wrong?" 

Loki groaned, head thumping on Thor's armored chest. "Howard Stark," he said slowly, "is my charge's father." 

He could feel the shudder as Thor understood. "Oh."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the comments! I just //rolls around// love them so much! They really inspire me to write.

**Author's Note:**

> Next chapter will feature a bit of explanation, including how the hell they pick a tiny human and how the process works. Also, some of the guidelines for Asgardians and other fun stuff. But not much, because like I said. Tiptoeing.
> 
> Once again, comments make my world, so if you could just take the time to give me a little something?
> 
> EDIT: Hey, so someone kindly informed me that this may (and it will) apply to someone's avengerkink prompt, which... that was forever ago, so I doubt the OP is even still following, but okay! So, here's the link, but be warned of spoilers, no matter how unsurprising they may be. http://avengerkink.livejournal.com/7940.html?thread=16211204#t16211204


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